You see how when things start to fade, people hold on more closely. Old books, photos, that mobile phone that has buttons and a torch. It’s all so endearing. It was once an inconvenience. “Why can’t this phone cord be a little longer? I need to reach the chair.”
The radio antenna always fell to whatever angle felt comfortable. Never tuned perfectly, but the soft voices hidden by static could tell you there was a big big world out there.
Tiny tiny feet. They took steps to the grown up world too fast.
I want to freeze people so badly. I want them to look the same. I don’t want to see lines on my parents face through an iPod screen. I don’t even use that thing for music. It’s a mirror. I see them and I know who I am.
They let go. They probably had to (reluctantly). That’s the thing with children, I guess. I probably caused the my parents to have the same question marks above their heads that I have right now. Their answers looked effortless. I really like them (my parents). I know we’ve made our peace.
We make ourselves about the future, about the places we go to, the stories we can tell. So much to see and yet, so little to say. I have 25 lines to my credit. 25.
|||| x 5. I have nothing but a mindful, a sweetie, warm layery-layers, and chances.
I remember 6 or 7 or 8-year-old me telling dada once I didn’t want anything from Bombay before he left for a work/shopping trip. We were the children who got asked that. I told him I wanted him to come back soon. I don’t know why I’m not that girl anymore. I shy away from feeling too much.
Bigger shoe sizes, bigger dents in the universe. I know if I can be that girl who didn’t care, and who loved openly just a little bit more through my words, I’ll be okay. I wish I could just say all that I mean to say. It’s like I have all the answers but not quite yet.
I can’t fade away. These words won’t let me.
“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.”