Between looking for jobs (now that I can), writing cover letters and aimlessly wandering around and ending up in the kitchen (always always), I haven’t been able to draw as much as I want to. Shame on me? Not really. I have been writing a lot more (though I don’t post every thing I write) and I’ve genuinely been trying to do things that make me very uncomfortable. For example, I start conversations. I am 100% socially awkward and if it’s just me and another person I’m not too familiar with, I freeze. I think of a thousand questions but they never make it past my cerebral cortex. Instead, I just smile like I inhaled aerosol fumes before walking through the door.
A lot of people in the US are very nice. They always greet you or even strike up a conversation instead of just staring you down like many Indian pig males and aunties. So instead of being the way I usually am (and not for my own good), I pretend I’m the best person in the world. A person that you wouldn’t need to talk to 12 times to realise she’s not a clam. So far so good. I’m not getting dirty looks either. I guess I hide cat lady very well.
Deep deep down in the depths of my soul. Don’t worry, it’s always going to be there.