I’m not one to believe in the healing powers of changing over the calendar. Now that I have that out of the way (and for the sake of consistency in using the Gregorian calendar) I have to say that when it turned to January 1 over here – for the first time ever – something felt new. I spent most of last year immersed in writing blog posts almost every week and I guess through all of that sharing, I forgot to tell you that I felt like shit. It was a much better kind of shit (aka when shit is so bad you give it levels of shittiness). I didn’t feel like the floor was collapsing underneath. Instead I was grappling with the idea of “self” and this person I was becoming. I should have been proud for what I accomplished and I am but time seemed to be slipping through my fingers. All that did was make me question what now, why me, etc etc. Don’t ask me how many times I thought about leaving everything and starting over, just me….
I came this close to asking you to vote for me in the big blog awards thing that sweeps America this time of the year. This close. I thought about when I was in Goa, on one of my walks. I psyched myself up and said I would do it. I said I would list the things that would make me an ideal candidate for “Best whatever”. Of course, I would not be the best. There is no such thing. But for the sake of getting past these inner demons that tell us we’re inadequate, I’d do it anyway….