I wonder how I’m not a poet or a published writer already because I’m sure I could woo in the folk who pretend to be sad because they think it’s cool.
In case you’re wondering, I am not sad. I am Miss girly face. In my world, no means no, yes means maybe and maybe means HELL YEAH. If I want, I can switch those around. You won’t know until you ask. If you ask, I might not tell you.
Like I said before, I’m not sad. But I’ve been thinking a lot about how I make my choices. The only times I felt like I overanalysed something, it had to do with work-related things. Humbug. Everything else, I just wing. I think about Jane and how far she’s come after making photography a full-time job and I wonder what was the thought process there. Duh Edlyn, you could just ask her.
Double DUH inner voice, what’s to ask if I’ve seen it in action?
Quiet all of you.
An better questions would be: Am I doing anything that’s leading me to a future I want? I have a suspicion this is one of those questions grown-ups ask. Since I asked it, I am apologising to myself. Poor thing, I must have really scared me.
I think (I think) I also have a sort of answer. Even if we’re high off our minds, climbing a mountain or just innocently folding laundry, we do it to get to the best of us. That little space in our heads that lets us believe we’re champions and our destiny is behind that next door.
Me, I just want to make others happy. Through food, cards, stories… anything. Claire told me she got the drawing I made her today. If nothing else, that made my day. So while I sit here and wonder why I can’t decide which one of the two sweaters I need to wear out today, I know what I need to do.
Bake a big fat chocolate cake and share it with the one person I don’t tire of seeing, the smartest decision I unknowingly made. Then I’ll thank myself for writing this because in two or three years, I’ll come back and look at how silly I’ve been.