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photography

Loving, leaving.

December 11, 2013 by Edlyn

I looked at my hair in the mirror a total of four times today. It looked the same every single glance I allowed myself. I decided what to make for dinner on what is my first day alone at home in a long, long time. Not long enough for me to forget how much I disliked this feeling same time last year. To say it’s been a blur would be a lie. I do chime in with agreement when people say the same ol’ “where did the year go?”, but I don’t believe it for a second. I’ve never been this present, this willing to channel inherent greatness, before. This is a new thing, where I vomit positivity and become that person I told myself I’d be. That girl. What a crazy girl.

She said she felt she was becoming more feminist, more of a woman and more of a fighter. She gets that it’s hard  to succeed at pretty much everything but she still wants to try it all. She felt alone and refused to believe that what she was feeling was normal. She wanted an out-of-body-experience, where she could leave and stay at the same time. She missed a lot of people, she said. She missed a lot of familiar roads and places. She wishes she could drive! I wish I really knew where she wanted to go. I wish I could take her there. She tried to bury herself in books but she couldn’t. The sun seemed like the most normal thing to gravitate towards so she took her spare keys and she went. Everything was new and beautiful (confusing at times but oh so beautiful). It became more apparent that she was blessed. She knew her troubles were real but what a silly thing to think of when she could just go outside. Her feet narrow enough to fit into criss-cross sandals, tanned and sore and her heart alive. Alive with promises and plans and memories to be made. It seems like she found her purpose in this new place.

And all it took was the idea that she has to leave it for a few months, tomorrow.

I am looking forward to it like a hungry tigress. That “she” I was talking about up  there, that’s me. It’s really me. It takes me a while to believe it but it is. I’m the eternal transient. As much as people like to believe they’re “settling down” after they get married, settled down is the last thing I am. I’m invigorated and I can’t sit still. I see things so differently than I did last May. I’ve had a lot more time alone where I sat and thought about myself as a whole, living, breathing human being, separate from whatever labels people chose to give me. Wife, lady dude, cat lady, hipster (this is a new one) and I shoved them aside. Who needs that pressure. I’ve had a tough enough time canvassing to my own grey matter, coaxing it to accept this crazy I have and go with it. It might be working. Boy, have I had a lot of help. Gratitude goes to those who helped, unknowingly and a peace sign to those who tried.

This is not my end-of-the-year post. I have a lot more ideas and brain musings that I can’t wait to get out into the world…after my plane ride. If you knew me last year, you’d see that my self-esteem wouldn’t let me be this way. Now it’s different. I already know what I’m making for dinner, right after I take out the recycling.

Hair still looks good!

Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: analog, film, photography

YEAH YEAH YEAH.

August 5, 2013 by Edlyn

I’ve been trying to think of a perfect introduction for what I’m about to write. I thought about it all morning in between cleaning the bathroom (I’m so glad we just have one) and singing “This. Girl. is on FAI-YUHHH” (this girl is on fiii-err-errr-err). I head that song a lot of times last week and that’s it. It’s stuck in my brain.  Anytime I feel like I need a nudge, I turn it back on. And it plays and I can do it all.

That’s the introduction then. Without me having to try too hard, I got it. Should I sing the song again?

The whole of last week I chose to volunteer my time as one of the documentation crew at the Rain City Rock Camp for Girls (RCRC). It’s a whole week’s worth of dance parties, intensive musical teaching and learning (considering their ages, of course), sisterhood and so many girls who rock that it makes your heart explode. At the beginning of the week, I knew I was not the best photographer to do all of this justice. I couldn’t help but think how much bigger this was that me. These girls were about to shed their inhibitions, break out of their shells and all those other metaphors that mean they were going to be awesome.

I know I’m not very technical when it comes to photography. I struggle a lot to get what I see through the lens on film. It’s very difficult for my mind to process things with numbers in them. I’ve asked for help, but whenever people start talking ISO, f-stop stuff my brain turns off. “Too many numbers,” it says, “I’m going to sleep.” Okay brain. Don’t let me stop you. I made (and still use) visual cues to understand the (somewhat) important things instead. It gets me by.  I remember I had a photography class in my second year of college. It was one of the classes I was most looking forward to. I didn’t know why but it seemed easier than studying and barely passing economics, which they made us all take in year 1. BLEAHH, because remember the number thing I just spoke about? The photography teacher David DeSouza spent probably 1 class in the whole semester explaining ISO and appertureshutter (as he called it, to help us understand). I remember some of my friends complaining about that. Even though I sort of agreed with them, sitting right here right now, I’m entirely grateful. He introduced us to some of the greatest photographers, the most beautifully made photographs and even helped our class (along with two other colleges he taught at) to put together our first photography exhibition. He also appreciated my photo assignment (cat photos, of course) in front of my peers. I didn’t make it to that class, but I felt special all the same. He made me love photography.

Many years later, I still don’t completely fit in with the people that geek out on photography. Long hair, don’t care, I joined a photography club in Seattle and I go to the meetings with them anyway. I have no idea what they talk about most of the time but just hanging around their brains makes me feel like a creative genius. It also introduced my to my friend Lisa Y. Mendez, a supremely talented girrrrl artist/zine queen, who moved to San Diego last year. No longer in Seattle (boo!), she introduced me to RCRC. She sent me a “request” on behalf of the camp asking if I would volunteer as much time as I could for them. Er, YES. I said YES a million times in my mind even though I replied to her saying something like “I’m an okay photographer….are you crazy?”

I did it last week and even though I hid behind the camera most of the time, it was the most rewarding experience I’ve had in a while. I got to watch the girls turn into rockstars in five short days, watch (some of) their band coaches and counsellors go from exasperated to excited to proud. I also got to see transformations happen right before my eyes. I think I transformed too. It’s hard not to when people all around are telling you that you rock. That was the safest space I’ve ever been in since I moved here. My self-esteem went bungee jumping, sky diving and did headstands all around town just by watching it happen.

All those women and girls ROCK. I got to work with the best videographer/woman Mandy, the best photographers/ women Marj and Sieglinde. I got to see the most amazing girl guitarists, drummer, vocalists and percussionists in the world. I worked the life out of me to get visual representation of the magic that was happening that week. My photographs were awesome.

AGAIN.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZw2CB_Ir_w&w=560&h=315]

“The person I am in the company of my sisters has been entirely different from the person I am in the company of other people. Fearless, powerful, surprising, moved as I otherwise am only when I write.”

Franz Kafka, Diaries of Franz Kafka

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: photography, Rain City Rock Camp for Girls, seattle

Something something bright side.

June 24, 2013 by Edlyn

Edlyn,D'Souza,Dog's Day Out,2.33PM Edlyn,D'Souza,King of the Jungle,2.13PM Edlyn,D'Souza,One of the Crowd,2.31 PM Edlyn,D'Souza,The Longest Wait,5.07PM

There’s a reason why I haven’t posted anything new (which in my case means food) since Thursday, is it? That’s okay. I’ve never understood the functioning of a blog and watching some of my favourites teaches me that I’m nothing if not myself. So if I haven’t mapped this thing out yet, that’s fine. I’m doing this as a treat to myself; to keep loving this creativity I’ve been bestowed and to always be amazed.

Did you know that digital photography is not my thing? It isn’t. I’m shocked I can even manage to shoot pictures of food but I do it anyway and feel like chump a lot of the times. You should know this because if ever you compliment the photographs and I forget to thank you it’s because the chumpiness is very overwhelming. If I don’t forget, it means I’ve momentarily forgotten what a chump I am. It all comes down to the truth. I’m a Nokia 3310 in a world of smartphones.

Speaking of digital photography, I tried this past Saturday.

Who knows what the future will bring.

(All photos taken in Fremont, Seattle. Oh and one in Wallingford.)

Filed Under: food Tagged With: photography, seattle

June 10, 2013 by Edlyn

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Parts of the trip back to the other home. These pictures are for you all and of course, the mother.

https://www.egeedee.com/2013/06/10/6199/

Filed Under: food Tagged With: Instagram, photography

Do you still dream?

April 28, 2013 by Edlyn

Dear Tim Hetherington,

It’s stupid to think that you would ever read this, what with you not knowing me or anything. Our lives never connected, our paths never crossed. That’s probably for the best because I don’t know if I’d be the same person I was if they did. Paths crossing, that is. I saw you yesterday on my TV screen but I first heard of you in 2011. You broke my silly little human heart.

Watching your story made me think of this 12 or 11-something-year-old watching BBC news before school. She was really run-of-the-mill apart from this compulsion to watch the rest of the world in all its pain. In her mind, she was in Kosovo during the war. She pictured ever scenario…memorised ever sign-off line and pretended it was her reporting the news and not some lady with a British accent. She wanted to be there and she couldn’t wait to grow up. So sums up the rest of her teenage years plus some other stuff that sort of came in the way.

I wouldn’t say you’re my “hero”, because I don’t want to idolise you. WHAT. Yes I do. But you’re not my hero. You’re my dream.

You’re a life I wish so badly I could have, except I’d do that last part differently. The irony of it all is that I might have never heard of you if it wasn’t for that part.

Every people-watching, soul-searching, heartache I feel from being a mere spectator becomes more apparent when I think about you. How can I accept this reality when another like me in *close-my-eyes-point-on-a-map* is going to sleep with no guaranteed promise of tomorrow? At least I have some guarantee. You did something about your guilt. You did a shit load of something.

I don’t know about me. I’m too timid and I don’t know how I’d ever be anything like you. But I try.

Everyday I want my life to be better and everyday I go to bed with the understanding that it’s a very very selfish goal. My life can be this exact same way if it wants! What I want is your spirit. No prayer or God is going to give me that. You got it from the living, breathing world. The hurt and the happy. There isn’t a better God that the human spirit.

You’re never going to read this. I’m stupid. But if you’re my dream, then maybe you will? Try.

Thank you for the truth. What a fucking legacy, man.

Take care.

 

Filed Under: food Tagged With: photography, Tim Hetherington

Can’t live without sunshine Thursday.

April 26, 2013 by Edlyn

It is slightly insulting to spend a day indoors or even “pre-plan” a task when the sky is 15 shades of golden and you’re sitting indoors pre-planning a task. I don’t know about you but I’m not one to insult the skies. I’m  not sure if you know this about me already but I’m brown. Some silly people I live with say I’m “beige” (er) but I’d like to think of me as more of a chocolate mocha.

This was before I moved here and started to look like a “chai tea latte”. That’s what people call masala tea here. I only wish I was so creative but that part of my life where I gave things silly names is dormant if not completely dead. This is why I named yesterday: Glorious Sunshine Thursday aka Best Day of My Life.

I did some solo seizing of the moment in a few minutes yesterday morning. I jumped right out of bed, looked outside the window, thought of a place I’ve never been and made it happen. Of course, I had to to put the thought that I was being too impulsive out of my mind because nobody likes a spoilsport, right? So what if there was a sink full of lets-pretend-I-didn’t-bake-an-impulsive-cake and pancakes-who-made-those? I made a grown up life decision and did the grown up thing by sticking with it.

Thursday was for my one and only camera (I love her).

Thursday was for a front row seat on a boat to Alki beach.

Thursday was for walking on some sand and mostly pebble shore.

And eating an ice-cream (double scoop, medium waffle cone…because I like when it drips).

And seeing the Statue of Liberty! That last part is slightly true.

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But mostly, it was for getting back some chocolate mocha and my ocean spirit, which is something only salty air and blue skies can do.

Filed Under: food Tagged With: diana F, photography, Polaroid

Last week.

April 6, 2013 by Edlyn

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Muddy paws. Muddy feet. Wet paws. Wet feet. Peanut butter sandwiches. Fallen tree bridges. Mossy trees. Tiny water springs.

Smelly socks.

Dog baths.

Human soul cleanse.

Yes, I like the beach more but for now, this will do.

Filed Under: food Tagged With: In Washington, photography, travel

Lomo lover is back.

February 22, 2013 by Edlyn

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Here are some more of my lomography photographs that I finally got to scan thanks to my friend Herbert. It was hard to scan because my negatives were being strange, just like most of my life chooses to be. I did get some good shots though. I love the one of the blow-up dinosaur slide, which I took at the Seattle Center in the summer. Washington has the BEST summers. Never mind that they last just 2 months.

What I love most about these pictures though is that they’re shot on film. That itself makes me sooooo happy. As expensive as it is, I am so grateful that my friends introduced me to my camera. I can’t get enough of it.

If you want to see more of my photographs, here they are. Oh and this site got some of them too.

Filed Under: food Tagged With: diana F, In Washington, lomography, photography, seattle

Lomo lover

August 2, 2012 by Edlyn

I might have said a lot about this new camera to individual people that I know but I want to say it to the world: I LOVE MY DIANA F+!! And I love Lomography!  

He’s a toy camera that’s all sass and all film. These cameras are making a huge comeback because they’re so easy to use and every result (meaning photo) is such an awesome surprise. Also, there are companies like Lomography that are reviving this whole analogue fiesta with their range of camera and film.

It makes me wish I was more of a camera person and I knew what the heck I was doing. It’s okay though, because the golden rules of lomography let me just be the ditzy lomo lover that I am.

I’ve got to thank my friend(s) Miah for the idea and the rest of them for okaying it. I felt really bad that they spent so much time and effort on me (because I’m weird). I had no idea what I was looking at when I opened that box — mostly because it was pink and I have an aversion to pink that’s really pink, ya know?

So here are some photos from my first 2 rolls of 120 film. Diana and I were just getting to know each other so we tripped and fell but yes, we’re fine now…I think.

That’s the thing with lomography or even a Holga: You never really know what you’re doing and if that gets the experts’ noses in the air, well so be it. Ignore the know-it-alls. That should be the 11th rule.

Filed Under: food Tagged With: Bangkok, city, dianaf+, lomography, new york, nyc, photography, seattle

Thai on my plate

June 30, 2012 by Edlyn

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I figure that when it comes to food, there’s not much need to bloviate about tastes and textures and colours when you have the pictures to do it all. My iPod touch pictures mostly suck but I should be thankful that I had the presence of mind to snap what I could before it hit my oesophagus. So here we go, food from Bangkok, Thailand that Edlyn did not scarve because she loves her blog to have content much much more (no no no no).

Lobster Lays. They exist.

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Iced tea ice-cream. With goodness. Thank you very much.

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Deep-friend plaintain. Say what?! you say. Yes.

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Them quail eggs steamed into fritatta-like things.

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Had to have the crunchy bugs, but I wasn’t brave enough.

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This sweet old lady hands us this fried veggie stuffed pancake like thing

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Rambutans. It’s a fruit.

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Street meats. I’ll have one of each.

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There’s nothing “Thai” about this donut apart from the fact that I bought it from the airport. Damn right cookies and cream

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Filed Under: food Tagged With: Bangkok, breakfast, cocktails, food, photography, street food, thailand, yum

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